Who am I?

Who am I?

I have acknowledged myself as the person who names herself as a pilgrim of life:@ see my blog, farsidarasjana.

Life is the place where I have experienced various feelings that I could not name them other except to accept in my councioness as what we all  feel as suffering.

I always feel tired. Perhaps because I do many things at the same time. Any time I came to the feeling of tiredness I feel so much suffering within myself.

Nobody can help me including myself. I know I say to myself. But I feel alone. Nothing can make me happy. I look up to the universe from any place where I can find peace. I stop whether I drive. I need to journey to  God.

I always miss to meet God when I do not understand things that confuse myself because of my clarity to know whether I am doing is my ambition or my sincerity.  I feel tired when I haven't seen my way. I need to freed myself from my way...

I can feel God waits for me to approach Him. Even my deepest heart always cry for having God side by side as I engage a dialogue with him, I would not easily begin when I still feel so tired.

Tiredness comes out from my self-protection on my images
It appears as my way to defend my existence, my rights, my ways..
Tiredness draws me sadly, a feeling heavy to continue my life...

Then I know I can not escape anymore...
I can only feel free when I ask Christ to take my burden
This is your work, God! I remind myself to open myself to move closely to God

When my heart feels full that I can not talk, I only know I have to talk within my silence to God

I will begin to sing gently  my favourite song about God is my saviour, God is my shepherd from Psalm 23

    The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
    he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he restores me in paths of
       righteuness for his name's sake
    Even though I walk
       though the valley of the shadow of death
    I will fear no evil
    for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

    You prepare a table before me
     in the presence of my enemies.
    You anoint my head with oil;
    My cup overflows.
    Surely goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
    and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever

I sang many many time to feel my tear ends
Then I feel so peacefully to sleep for a while in my awaking time
or my sleeping hour.

Then I wake up with lots of happiness because of God's visit in my sleep or whether I am awake

God who visits me is God in His suffering as appearing in the life of Christ.
His body flows blooding out from his belly
My tear drops...I feel my heart bitting calmly

Christ have visited me to strengthen my way to go through His way...

From suffering comes the life! I feel Christ's invitation to me again
to go gently in his way

My suffering has transformed by God who allows Christ to visit me many many times

I have written for many many years in my heart about His visit whether I have slept, I have walked, I have read, I have written, I have done something else

I know I am not alone anymore
Christ accompanies me in His way to experience being loved and to love unconditionally.